Evils of the Internet

BTW:  WebMD is like crack to worry warts like me.  We get a thought into our head, especially having to do with anything and everything that would go wrong with our pregnancy, and we sprint to the nearest source... webmd.

In all actuality, WedMD and like sources offer a variety of helpful facts and opinions from reputable sources, however, to those who are prone to fixate, it feeds a deep seeded anxiety that blossoms full grown into a forest of worry and fear. 

I take every ache and pain and believe that is is actually happening to me.  All of a sudden, I begin to feel and experience every symptom listed on the website and spiral into a chasm of anxiety. 

Because of my middle of the night/ early morning insomnia of late, I have found myself surfing the internet to answer all my questions about pregnancy.  Unfortunately, you can find just about any answer you are looking for/ or not looking for... and there is an expert who agrees with every single opinion. 

I have to think back to how many trillions of women have been having healthy babies for centuries around the world long before WebMD was invented.  Women who only ate corn cakes and collard greens shot out healthy babies.  Women in huts living off of monkey meat and grub worms birthed healthy children.

Here's to you WebMD... thanks for ruining our ignorance with all possible senarios of medical phenomenon.  BTW:  my husband has banned the internet for me between the hours of midnight and 8 am.

It's been a while...

It has been a while since posting last on the blog.  This summer has been relatively busy.  We are in the final stretches of the race... only three more weeks!!!  (I say that with a hint of sarcasm because I have a feeling this little "shim" ..she + him... is gonna make a late appearance. 

Among other things, the most visible change is not the size of my belly, to the dismay of everyone who has been asking how far over my due date I am... thanks people.  The most visible change is my mood.  You may be asking, "how one's mood be visible?"  Oh, my dear friends, you have not "seen" my emotions then.  They exhibit themselves in a rainbow of colors...
1. green:  calm and peaceful (probably just had a quiet time with Jesus)
2. blue: tears and a down turned mouth (just tried on a pair of pants that don't fit or caught an unfortunate view of my posterior)
3. purple: great day... life is good... hung out with friends or my husband just called me "sexy"
4. red:  STAY AWAY... usually contingent on an unfortunate encounter with horrible customer service or road rage..  (also associated with colorful usage of word choice)
5. orange:  slightly lighter reaction than red (occurs when I drop something or make a dumb mistake)

Lately I have been staying in the red-blue stage of the color wheel of emotions.  My poor husband has been disappearing to Culver's to work on his grad school assignments... at least that is what he is saying...

"You're Beautiful"

People are so kind when you are pregnant...especially when you are in your 8th and 9th month.  They love to come up and say "You are so beautiful!".  Now, we all know that a pregnant woman suffers from many physically morphing phenomenon.  See below:
1.  face expands to cartoon like state (especially the nose region)
2.  volcanic eruption of groves of zits pop up on your face (and neck if you are as lucky as me)
3.  the ever expanding "trunk of the car"
4.  the "turkey temperature gage" on your tummy pops out
5.  you become dissected by the mysterious brown line of symmetry down your bump
6.  feet swell (not swell, as in "great, awesome, cool"... swell as in sausages exploding out of sandals)

But I think the most beautiful thing about being pregnant are the hidden tricks women use to continue with their lives...
1.  maternity support belt: hidden under the closes to hold up and support the muscles and tendons
2.  wearing your husbands boxers cause "nothing else seems to fit"
3.  giving up your cute nighties for your husbands XXL white undershirts: Sorry Jessica... "nothing but your t-shirt on" does not make you feel beautiful
4.  long shorts or "lorts" cause shaving above the knee just isn't going to happen... the physics does not seem possible

But to all the precious friends and family out there who continue to tell pregnant women how beautiful they are... bless you!!  Keep that myth alive...

Keeping them guessing...

People are absolutely shocked that BJ and I are not finding out the gender of Firebaby.  It drives them insane.  In this world of instant information, where facts lay at the touch of an "app" we have forgotten the joy of waiting.  There is a beauty to anticipation that our society has deemed archaic. 

There are very few sole moments left to men:

1.  ask a girl on a date (check)
2.  ask a father's permission to marry his daughter (check, check)
3.  buy ring/propose... etc... (check, check, check)
4.  walk out of the delivery room to a crowd full of friends and family members and announce, with pride and relief washing across his face... "It's a ________"

Each of these precious male driven moments are waning in our society.  I love that this precious moment will lie in the hands of my husband... to give him a moment to beat his chest with the ferocity of an ancient gorilla, claiming and defining his manhood and territory... Super Hot!!

PS:  Everyone has their opinion and bizarre method of determining gender, but according to Moses, the little old man we met at the Sealy Dairy Queen, we are having a boy.  He has a perfect track record of predicting the sex of babies... 12 children and 23 grandchildren.  Little voodoo man even gave us his phone number in case he is wrong. 

Been a while....

So, it's been a while since my last post.  With the end of the school year and trying to catch up on some R&R time this summer, the blog has sorely been neglected, and to that I apologize.

It is summer time and I have the joy of being uber pregnant during the hottest part of the year.  With this joyous summer season comes the beloved Maternity Bathing Suit.  This is a tragic testament to the fashion industry.  Maternity clothes are likened to wedding planning.  Everything is completely jacked up in price.  Now, really, are you using that much more fabric to make a dress/outfit for a pregnant woman, however, the price more than triples, especially if you want to look decent and not like an overstuffed four sack.

So here is my solution.... I just refused to buy maternity clothes.  I just buy normal clothes but up two or three sizes... case in point... bathing suit... I just bought a XXL tankini from Target.  Same fabulous Target prices... more fabric for my dollar!!

Only problem:  With the increase in fabric over the tummy, comes the increase in fabric over the northern hemisphere.  And what seemed to be a large improvement to the northern hills early in the pregnancy, has been drastically shadowed by the ever expanding equator.  Therefore, I must strategically square my shoulders and carefully bend over in order to avoid the inevitable "fallout" that may occur.  It is a very fine balance in keeping the basketball tucked away as well as the tennis balls all at the same time.

New Arch Nemesis: Maternity Bathing Suit

Oh... there are so many joys to having a baby due in August.  I get to enjoy the theraputic heat of a Texas summer.  I get to experience sweat tricking down my tummy.  I get to wear nothing but flip flops because my feet and toes will start to resemble sausages.... and I get to squeeze in a maternity bathing suit.

Problem #1:  What size suit to I buy right now at 7 months, knowing that there are three more months of summer to grow enormous.
Problem #2:  Some stores put the maternity section right next to the large lady section.  The unsuspecting shopper may accidentally stroll into the wrong section and start trying on bathing suits with cup sizes as big as my head.
Problem #3:  Stores that specialize in maternity clothing take this special opportunity to charge you an arm and a leg for an over-sized trash bag that will last you only 3 months.
Problem #4:  Department stores/Target/Old Navy etc.. have such an extensive selection of bathing suit options that one's head might spin trying to choose between the TWO suits in the store.
Problem #5:  If you thought looking at your rear end in a regular bathing suit each summer in the dressing room of your favorite local store is fun, just wait until you view the ever widening hind end of expanding baby hips.

Those of us looking for a cute bathing suit that will not make us look like we are wearing our grandmother's bathing suits from the 1920s are in for a treat, however.  We do have an option.  We can shop in the regular bathing suit section and simply buy an XL bathing suit.  There is nothing better for one's self esteem than swallowing your pride and walking up to the check out line with your XL bathing suit.

Thank goodness for a precious husband who had three types of flowers waiting for me at home when I walked through the door, ending this esteem destroying odyssey.

Preview to Mommyhood

Lately I have been really struggling with clumsiness.  Everyone says it is normal, but... come on people.  I run into things.  I lose my balance. Stuff drops out of my hands unexpectedly.  The last is the worst.  It never fails that every time I eat anything, a large glob of the latest culinary surprise am eating falls right out of my hands and onto my front.

Unfortunately, my front has expanded slightly, therefore there is more surface area to catch these special morsels.  Before, food would just plop right onto the table.. but.. now there is this large bulbous volleyball catching everything.

I will be walking around work, or church hours after my lunch and will catch a glimpse of my front and see the tell-tale sign of my butterfingers, usually right in the middle of my tummy.  Lovely!!

This is just getting my ready for baby throw-up, spit-up, baby food and breast milk.  Hmmm, can't wait!!