Mommy Never-Never Land

The learning curve for a new mom is definitely a double D cup size...  The amount of new information is astounding and I am learning things every day.  But in the goulash of information,  there are some things I am learning to never-never do or say now that I am a mom.  Just some examples to name a few:

Never-Never....
1.  Ask another mom when their infant slept through the night-  First of all, no one tells you that "sleeping through the night" is really only about 5 or so hours.  I was about to put ashes on my head and wear sack clothe and gnash my teeth before I realized that my precious son had been sleeping through the night after his first month.  I was expecting a 12 hour stretch to occur and when all the other moms around were saying how their baby had slept through the night.  I was shaking my fist at the sky and wondering why my kiddo was so nocturnally challenged.

2.  Put on your old jeans within the first five months after giving birth-  This is a no brainer.  But we get postpartum vision where we feel as if we have shed 100 lbs and therefore have blinders as to the reality of our figure.  A little advice:  As soon as you get pregnant, take all your cute jeans and box them up and have your best girl friend bury them in the backyard; don't let her give you the shovel until you get back into the same stratosphere as your pre-pregnancy weight.  Hopefully you will just forget about the jeans and live out the rest of your life in ignorant bliss.

3.   Wear your actual outfit for the day before noon-  I never wanted to be that new mommy who looked at the clock at five o'clock and realized she was still wearing her pajamas, so I always try to actually get dressed in the morning (or if you just put a cardigan on over your pajamas, it kind of gives the impression of getting dressed.  This is the dress equivalent to throwing the quilt up over the unmade bed).  However, every time I actually get dressed in the morning, the inevitable "Old Faithful" erupts from my son's mouth.  I always wonder how so much liquid can come out of such a small baby.  A little advice:  Fake out the spitup... wear an outfit you really don't like and trick your baby into thinking you are dressed for the day.  Then, when the geyser begins, you can just laugh to yourself because you know you hated that dress anyway.

4.  Leave the house without checking out your back in the mirror-  In reference to the above posting, 9 times out of 10, I will be strutting my stuff out in public and will catch a glimpse of my back in a window or mirror and will see the "trail of tears" cascading down my back.  Oh, yes... that little track of spit up that begins at the top of your shoulder blade and trails all the way down your lower back... and even down your calf if you are lucky.  Always check out your back before you leave your house.

Admit it...We all loved the story of Peter Pan... you all wished you were Tinkerbell, thought Captain Hook was a bit dreamy, and Wendy a bit persnickety... but come on people.  It ain't cool to live in Mommy Never-Never Land.