The Dreaded Thermometer

I swore I would never do it.... but tonight, I finally did.  I had to take my son's temperature in his "special place".  I always thought there would be ways around it.  I thought that I could be that one mommy who found a way never to have to invade her son's backporch.  But, alas... I have now entered the great hall of the famous mothers of the past who have had to subject their children to a rectal thermometer. 

Like any good mother (or mom freaked and icked out) I read my instructions very carefully.  Here is my favorite except from the directions:

"A rectal temperature is taken by inserting the thermometer (ther-MOM-uh-ter) gently in your child's rectum. The rectum is the end of the bowel. The opening into the rectum is called the anus. The anus is the hole in your child's bottom where a bowel movement (BM) is passed from the body. Make sure you follow directions for taking a rectal temperature very carefully."

First of all... way too many "no-no" words in the above.  I actually giggled like a 12 year old boy as I read.  Secondly, I guess they are assuming you are a total moron and have to give you a little anatomy lesson in case you missed that day in biology.  And my final favorite thing in those instructions was the fact that not only did they say "bowel movement", but they wanted to clarify what they meant by citing "BM" just in case you were confused and thought they were referring to an exercise for your colon.

But the cherry on top of the whole experience was the picture that accompanied the directions...check it out:


Things not right about the following picture:

A.  What's up with the mom's lips?
B.   She looks like she is smoking a cigarette while spanking her kid...
C.  The kid has rock'n biceps