Naptime.... ha ha ha..

My sleeping angel at 2 weeks

Like any new mother, I have been pouring over books to find the best strategies for helping my little man sleep better.  I mean, you've got to be prepared...  like any good soldier, I have to go into battle with a game plan.  I am completely armed and ready for war...

Black out shades for the nursery....... check
White noise sound machine.........check
Humidifier..... check
Latest book by the latest sleep expert.... check

Armed to the hilt with my arsenal of materials, my child should drift peacefully into slumber, right?  Are you kidding me?  These books tell you step by step instructions with testimonials from parents who "did it right".  These are guaranteed, fool proof methods for perfect baby sleep habits.  Well, then where did I go wrong.

I must not know how to read or these "experts" are liars, because last night at a friends party, there was a room for the babies to sleep in.  On the floor lined up neatly in their car seat carriers were our other friends' babies.  They were sleeping quietly like little angels with a few whimpers here and there.  If they woke up, they would simply coo themselves peacefully back to dream land. 

Meanwhile, my son is flailing on the bed making slurping noises and laughing at me as I attempt to soothe him into a slumber.  I think I am home free, but as I walk away.... wailing begins.  When I come back to soothe him, he giggles and laughs at me.   For about an hour  I perform a rendition of Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee" in my stiletto boots running back in forth between the party and "nursery" room hoping my darling does not wake the sleeping angels.  When I finally got back to the party... those two glasses of wine never tasted better...

Note to all moms:  If your child goes to sleep easily or sleeps without night wakings.... don't tell anyone, and if someone asks you, lie.  You want to keep your friends, right?

Sweet Dreams?

So... no one told me that the sleepless nights would begin BEFORE the baby arrives. This would have been helpful to know. I would have been accumulating sleeping hours like roll-over minutes to ensure that I could be well rested. But, no.. there are no hours backlogged for me to draw from.

All the "specialists" from the pregnancy books I have been reading are talking about how I should not sleep on my back. OK.. I can do that. But then you read farther and it talks about how the baby will put pressure of your vital arteries and cause all sorts of issues. Well, I did not need to read that. As a self-proclaimed worry wort (who am I kidding... everyone within a 10 mile radius is aware of my tendency to magnify fear) I start thinking my head will explode if I sleep on my back. But here is the challenge.. How much conscious control do we have over our actions when we sleep? If we did, I would look like Sleeping Beauty with my hair lightly falling over my shoulders and my hands clasped primly across my chest, instead of the Wicked Witch sleeping off a night of binge drinking. So in the middle of the night I will wake up (probably to take one of my marathon trips to the loo) and find myself.... dun dun dun... on my back. Great.. now I am wide awake, awaiting the inevitable head explosion.


This would not be a problem if I did not sleep on my back in a Dracula-esque coffin style. Should have learned to sleep on my side while saving up hours in my sleep bank. Lesson Learned..