Back in the Saddle Again

Well, it's been three weeks since having our little bundle of joy, Colton Read.  The adventure was incredible to say the least.  It was an amazing experience surrounded by so many loving friends and relatives.  The birth of Colton was nothing I could have possibly imagined.

Like many new mothers-to-be, I had done my homework.  I had read the books and attended the classes and asked my many veteran mom friends.  But, I still was unprepared...

Here are some things that I was not prepared for:

Pushing: 
          People always seem to focus on the contractions during labor.   They tell you have painful they are and how you must be prepared emotionally.  I was living in a happy dream world knowing that I would get an epidural and not "feel" the pain of the contractions.  I was doing just peachy until they told me to start pushing... really... now why did that slip people's minds.  Pushing is the most horrible experience of my life.  They tell you to take a deep breath and hold it for 10 seconds.  Now, I have been an experienced time keeper in my 32 years.  I daily use clocks and timers, but for some reason, the counting system of the labor and deliver nurses are quite different.

          So, while you are holding your breath for infinity, they tell you to push.  No one explained to me that it would be a sensation equivalent to your eye balls popping out.  I thought I was about to turn into a cartoon and bug out my eyes. 

Stirrups:
             I was unprepared for the joyful experience of stirrups.  Not only did I have to start pushing in one room and then have a sheet thrown over me and wheeled down the hall way to an operating room, I have to be thrown on a table and have my legs contorted into some ill fitting stirrups.  As wonderful as the nurses were, I think they played hooky from school the day they learn stirrup protocol because I distinctly remember my legs splayed in a abnormal directions.  One knee was pointing southwest, while the opposite knee was pointing northeast.  When the doctor walked in, he promptly said, "What's going on with her knees?".

Modesty:
            I had no idea that in just 12 short hours my whole view of modesty would change.  From the moment you put on the latest hospital fashion, your modesty (and not to mention your pride) goes out the window.  You have friends and relatives walking in at all times as you try and circumnavigate your jungle of i.v. tubes to hobble to the bathroom while trying to hold the back of your hospital gown together.  Well, that problem gets solved very quickly by another gem of an experience... your catheter.  Nothing like a small tube slithering its way us your business to make you feel fresh and clean.  Not to mention to wonderful friends and family spilling through the revolving door of the hospital room... and if you get caught off guard, what a treat they get to experience.  Don't know how many of my male friends unwittingly caught a glimps of my "back porch".


Joy of Isolation:
         I have a tendency to want to be the center of attention, or at least in the midst of all the actions.  For nine months you are the center of everyone's questions and conversation.  You feel like you are in a petrie dish under the microscope of your community.  In the hospital, you are treated like a queen, as if you are the only women who has ever gone through this experience before. 
         However, as soon as the little one pops out, you are chopped liver.  Even my husband "peaced out" on me as soon as Colton made his appearance.  All of a sudden, you are left absolutely alone... and by the way.... it is marvelous!!  I loved being left by myself in the recovery room for a short while.  It's amazing how wonderful you can feel just seconds after pushing out a grapefruit through the eye of a needle.


Destruction of the "South Pole":
         Nothing more to be said about his other than... really... no warning at all... come on generations of women before me... help a sister out!!!


The Beauty of your Baby:
          I had a huge reality check...  no one warned me that my precious baby boy that I had cared for in my womb for months would come out looking like Sly Stallone at the end of Rocky.  It looked like he had gone a couple of rounds with a heavy weight champ.  His poor little face was bruised and he have scratches and red whelps all over his little head.  Whoever said that all babies are beautiful must have forgotten their glasses in the car.

All in all, it was a wonderful adventure that still continues... I am back in the saddle again (well, not really the saddle due to my being just a tad "saddle sore".