Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Top 10 Bonuses to Having a Baby

My life has become so enriched by having a baby.  I do miss certain aspects of life B.C. (before Colton)... for example:  going to the gym whenever I wanted, spending hours doing my quiet time in a coffee shop, life without stretch marks...

My little Munchkin having fun

However, my life is so much for complete with our little bundle of joy.  Besides the obvious benefits of having a child, there have been a few BONUS rewards as well...

Top 10 Bonuses to Having a Baby
1.  People not only offer to help you carry out your grocery bags, but if you have your baby in a sling or bjorn, the person behind you in line might even offer to help you unload your basket.

2.  Kind of like a dog, it's a great conversation starter.

3.  Great reserved parking at the store.

4.  You never have to struggle with Christmas present ideas ever again.... Thank you Walgreens photo lab...

5.  Easy excuse to leave an awkward conversation mid sentence... "Oh, sorry, I have to feed Colton.."

6.  Excuse to cry any time or any where... no questions asked

7.  Still filling out your sweaters quite nicely..

8.  Rock'n biceps... thank you infant car seat of 1000 lbs...

9.  Anonymity:  when you were pregnant, you were on center stage; with a baby, you are the teacher from "Peanuts"... people kind of hear murmurs from your general directions, but you fade nicely into the back ground.

10.  An excuse to leave family events early..."Sorry, I have to get Colton to bed.... well, yeah, he goes to sleep at 4:00."

My little Firebaby is enough of a blessing, but the additional perks are kind of nice....

Monday, December 20, 2010

Naptime.... ha ha ha..

My sleeping angel at 2 weeks
Like any new mother, I have been pouring over books to find the best strategies for helping my little man sleep better.  I mean, you've got to be prepared...  like any good soldier, I have to go into battle with a game plan.  I am completely armed and ready for war...

Black out shades for the nursery....... check
White noise sound machine.........check
Humidifier..... check
Latest book by the latest sleep expert.... check

Armed to the hilt with my arsenal of materials, my child should drift peacefully into slumber, right?  Are you kidding me?  These books tell you step by step instructions with testimonials from parents who "did it right".  These are guaranteed, fool proof methods for perfect baby sleep habits.  Well, then where did I go wrong.

I must not know how to read or these "experts" are liars, because last night at a friends party, there was a room for the babies to sleep in.  On the floor lined up neatly in their car seat carriers were our other friends' babies.  They were sleeping quietly like little angels with a few whimpers here and there.  If they woke up, they would simply coo themselves peacefully back to dream land. 

Meanwhile, my son is flailing on the bed making slurping noises and laughing at me as I attempt to soothe him into a slumber.  I think I am home free, but as I walk away.... wailing begins.  When I come back to soothe him, he giggles and laughs at me.   For about an hour  I perform a rendition of Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee" in my stiletto boots running back in forth between the party and "nursery" room hoping my darling does not wake the sleeping angels.  When I finally got back to the party... those two glasses of wine never tasted better...

Note to all moms:  If your child goes to sleep easily or sleeps without night wakings.... don't tell anyone, and if someone asks you, lie.  You want to keep your friends, right?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My Hero

I adore the heroic men out there.  They truly are knights in shining armor.  They willingly engage in this battle with female emotions, fighting side by side with the woman they love to defeat the Hormonster.  Here is the epic tale of my hero, Sir Brandon...

Once upon a time, there was a noble knight named Sir Brandon.  While walking (manly) through an enchanted forest, he came upon a beautiful (and humble) princess named Louisa.  He fell madly in love with her charm and grace and asked her to marry him and be his forever.  Unbeknownst to the gallant lad, an evil witch had placed a vicious spell on the princess.  Every so often, during times of distress, the princess would be overcome with an attach of the Hormonster. 

This vile beast could appear at any moment and would wreak havoc on the unwitting lady.  As her champion, Sir Brandon would strike, blade flashing and help battle against the evil Hormonster.  Though the beast continues to appear, it shrinks in terror of the brave prevailing defense of the knight. 

Thanks to my champion... my brave husband...

Check out the gallery of hot pics of my man!!!
Yes, ladies... he is mine

He swept me away on our 80's Prom Date       
Friday Night Lights event at church

Proud Papa Bear to baby Colton

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Normal Emotional v. Crazy Emotional

When my husband and I got married, I invited him on a lifelong trip on the seas of my emotions.  Sometimes, it is a pleasure cruise.... the sun is shining and birds are pulling a Mary Poppins and singing in harmony.  Other times, it is a tsunami of tears and anxiety tossing the S.S. BJ from wave to wave.  Let's put it this way... there is never a dull moment in the Estroland.  Unfortunately for my precious husband, pregnancy and motherhood has made this trip a little more bumpy than normal.

Here is an example of a little "pleasure cruise" we went on last week...

My mother was cooking a birthday dinner for me and I had just put my darling son down for a nap when I called to ask when we should come over.  Are you ready to enter my stream on consciousness?

  • My mom said to come over NOW (anxiety level 1:  should I disappoint my mom and be late or wake my son?)
  • My grandpa and his girlfriend were invited to the dinner (anxiety level 2: now I can possibly disappoint a 90 year old man by being late)
  • We arrive late and everyone has eaten but my dad (anxiety level 3: great, happy birthday to me)
  • My son starts wailing (anxiety level 4:  I am a terrible mom and can't control my child)
  • I am holding back tears while eating my burritos (anxiety level 5: everyone will think I am nuts)
  • I end up sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing while my parents and grandpa watch a documentary about death with the volume level set to a billion, cause they are all deaf (anxiety level 5: I am nuts)
I now have to ask myself, am I acting Normal Emotional or Crazy Emotional?  Here is the litmus test:
  • Normal Emotional:  You drown your sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's and watch Sense and Sensibility.
  • Crazy Emotional:  You cry your eyes out on the floor of your mother's kitchen on your birthday.
New Baby+ Normal Emotional = Crazy Emotional

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Christmas Cards

Christmas cards have always been a mysterious phenomenon.  The simple traditional folded card is a relic of the past.  Now, most folks make a photo Christmas card.  For the really motivated individual, there is the yearly family newsletter (props to you all with enough time and energy to summarize your entire past year).

I have always been surprised by the pictures some people choose for their cards.  Some make me wonder, "Did you lose your glasses the day you were supposed to choose your Christmas card picture?" or "Did you remember about Christmas cards on December 20th and this was the only one you could find?"

Now that I have a family of my own, and trying to capture that "perfect" picture has become a reality.  Now I realize that you choose the picture where your kid is not crying or the one picture that did not cause you and your spouse to get a divorce. 

 Talk about joyous holiday cheer... Witness the "holiday cheer" we subjected our son to....
Merry Christmas Colton

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ahhh... the holidays

I have always loved the holiday season.  Before I was married, there was always a sad day rain cloud that threatened the season because I was always trying to "fit" into the rest of my families' lives.  My older siblings were married and had children, and for me it was so simple to hop into my car and simply slip deftly into the chaos of the greater family unit.  I was a nomadic gypsy who could sleep on a couch or cram myself into the back cargo area of a Tahoe.  Life was simple...

However, now being married and having a baby, we have created our own nest and trying to fit our little family into the bigger order becomes more of a challenge.

Who would have thought that you would need to bring so much luggage for three day of vacation?  I mean, Colton is only 16 lbs, but I have to bring a metric ton of gear to pacify my little dumpling.
  • one sleeper per day + an additional sleeper for each day in case of midnight blowouts
  • at least three outfits/ day in case of midday blowouts
  • 150 diapers for above blowouts
  • sock that coordinate with each outfit option
  • long sleeve onesies in case it is cold
  • short sleeve onesies in case it is hot
  • a light weight blanket (Christmas in Texas!)
  • an heavy weight blanket (yet again it is Texas)
  • chew toys (yes, my son sounds like a dog)
  • 18 pacifiers (these puppies disappear like crazy)
After you pack your bags, then comes the paraphernalia to entertain your child:
  • bouncy chair
  • portable swing
  • pack n play
  • sleep mat
Now my personal luggage has diminished to a backpack and I am lucky if I remembered to pack underwear for myself, but my son will have enough diapers to last him until his 16th birthday.

Gone are the days when you could pack up and be ready to go in 1/2 an hour.  Now it takes 5 hours of planning, 2 hours of packing, 1 hour of putting everything in the car and 30 minutes to turn around and go back to the house for the items you forgot.

Ahhh.. the holidays